Friday, August 15, 2008

O Perfect Aspie Job, Goodbye

2005-2006

Perfect. It was for the first year or two, anyway. The building was quiet, the community room empty by 9:00 PM every night. That gave me three uninterrupted hours to read and study, with no obligation to talk to anyone unless there was an emergency. Even in the hours before nine o’clock, I had plenty of time to myself most nights. My job consisted of taking care of small problems, answering the phone once or twice in an evening, answering the door if someone didn’t know how to reach a resident in order to be buzzed in. My primary purpose was to be there if the fire department or an ambulance was needed.

Sometimes people wanted to talk, of course, but not so many that this ever became overwhelming. The residents had interesting stories to tell. Once in awhile, someone brought me a sandwich or a piece of cake. I had to work weekends and holidays, but I’ve done that with every job I’ve had, I’m used to it. Holidays really aren’t my favorite times of year anyway.

2007-2008

Okay, it’s not the perfect job anymore. As residents have moved on, others have taken their places. The turnover has been significant. The building is louder now, with people socializing more, watching TV until 11:00 or later in the community room near my office. People have gotten used to me too (yes, it usually takes about 2 years) and I have more and more of them wanting to talk. Still, the job is easy, and leaves me some time for writing, and this is good.

SUMMER 2008

Now it is time to leave. I took this job when I went back to school. I’ve often thought I would not have made the decision to finish college if I’d had the job first. The misery of other jobs I’d had certainly contributed to my desire to earn a degree. This is a job I might have been happy in until I was old enough to retire.

TWO WEEKS AGO

It looked like that might happen until, a couple of weeks ago, I was offered a research assistantship that will finance my graduate studies. The project I’ll be working on is a new postsecondary inclusion initiative, designed to facilitate the transition to college for students with intellectual disabilities. This seems like an ideal fit for my interests, and I am very fortunate to have the opportunity.

I gave notice at the security job.

LAST WEEK

They have found a replacement for me already! What have I done? This job is my security. The boss likes me, I can do the work. Who ever heard of an autistic social worker? Now I will have harder classes and a demanding job, too! I must be rapidly approaching the limits of my social aptitude. I must have been out of my mind. I think I will curl up in a ball in the corner and stay there until…

THIS WEEKEND

There is a goodbye party. It’s low key, no one expects a speech or any tears. A co-worker comes in to take over the phone so I can have some free time. The person who will take my job is here. I tell her I am both excited and afraid for my new life. Well, she says, what do you expect, going back to school at an age where most people are starting to think about retirement? That’s an exaggeration of course. Hey, I’m not even 50 yet.

Still, it reminds me how I got here. Sometimes a person isn’t ready for college at 18. Sometimes a child starts speaking at 4 or 6 or even 12. When I was 12, I had the reasoning skills of an average 18 year old, but at 18, I did not have (at least not consistently) the social skills or oral communicative ability of even an average 12 year old. Since I’ve learned about autism, I’ve realized this has been the perfectly normal course of my development. Since I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand that there are infinite options for a life, not just the few cookie cutter designs that seem sometimes to be on offer. There will be consequences, of course, but I can write my own plan, define success or failure on my terms.

It is time to say goodbye to the job that has been my safety net. I get a clear message from the party, not just that I have been appreciated and will be missed, something more meaningful than that. I’ve been accepted here. I’ve been seen. It’s written in red icing. Squawkers’ name is on the cake.


15 comments:

  1. Great -- clear -- real- perfect - post -- and almost by surprise (though I don't know why I surprise myself) I cry at the end. Maybe it's because I get it. Squawk

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  2. Congratulations on the research position! I am sure you can handle the work and the harder classes. And if you sometimes feel like curling up in a ball in the corner, well, at least you've got Squawkers to keep you company.

    The cake is AWESOME.

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  3. I love what you said about writing your own plan. It applies to all kinds of people in this world whose choices or situation do not fit perfectly into the "cookie cutter world." Your eloquence never ceases to amaze me.

    I'm excited for you. xoxo

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  4. I am just thrilled that this is working out so well. It is a wonderful feeling to know you've been appreciated. Be brave; this next step will be a challenge but you have many people pulling for you and ready to support you. Congratulations on your new job!

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  5. Your research position sounds *way* cool! Congratulations!

    I loved the cake. (It looks like Squawkers did, too).

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  6. Congratulations on the big changes. I couldn't figure out how to move on bast a bachelors degree. But I have the perfect Aspie job, I think more perfect than yours was. :-)

    I can't wait to see what you do in research. It will be significant, I'm sure. For some reason researchers like to say "non trivial." Please don't become one of those researchers, I dislike the phrase "non trivial" for some, probably trivial, reason. :-)

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  7. Congratulations! And good luck!

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  8. Wow, congratulations!

    Whenever I read your blog (yes, even the posts about unpleasant news) I feel a bit better about the world...

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  9. Congrats on the new changes in your life!

    A few years ago I took on a job that I, too, worried might end up to be a little too much for me. And instead I thrived really well. I think my reasons for worrying and yours are/were different, but I do hope something similar happens for you.

    And, so lovely that they even remembered to include Squawkers on your cake!

    Just to celebrate, here is a row of 8's for you ;-)

    888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

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  10. Let me see if I can make a SQUARE of 8's:

    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888

    Notice how many rows and how many columns there are ;-)

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  11. I love that Squawkers was on the cake! As someone who took the plunge to change and go to school later in life... I would like to encourage you in your new venture. There isn't a better person to be a social worker than someone who knows firsthand like you do. Good luck!

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  12. Hey, Ms. Clark,

    I dislike the phrase "non trivial" for some, probably trivial, reason. :-)

    I dislike that phrase, too. (Though I must admit, I'd never seen/heard it until now ;-)). To me, defining something as non-[whatever] puts a spotlight on the [whatever]. Especially when the [whatever] comes at the end of the phrase. So a word like "non-trivial" just puts "trivial" that much stronger in my head. (If that makes sense).

    But then again, I am a word-nerd :)

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  13. You are going to be great.

    I am sure the clients you have as a social worker will love Squawkers.

    I can imagine how he could be a good icebreaker.

    A friend gave me a cuckoo clock. It needed some work so I opened it up and got it running again. Then I showed my co-worker and he was so intrigued he went and bought an old Regulator with the keyholes in the face plate.

    Autistic Power. I was so excited it made non Auties want to run out and get one too!

    Good for you Bev. Win one for the good guys.

    ~Sarah

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  14. Thanks for the words of support, everyone! And to Andrea S., thank you for the eights!

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  15. More eights

    88888888
    88888888
    88888888
    88888888

    Loved the story. That was 2008, it's 7 years later. Hope it all worked out.

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