Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Location is Everything: Views on the importance of context in autistic thought

Three of my final exams this semester had similar questions. One (in Social Work Research)asked whether the terms male and female were both mutually exclusive and exhaustive. Two others (Sociology of Gender and Anthropology) asked if there were only two sexes. I know, this doesn't really sound like college level material, does it?

Except that for the same questions, different answers were required. The first exam presumed the typically understood definitions of male and female. The sociology test question focused on differentiating gender from sex and further discussing the permutations of each. The exam in the anthropology class required mention of the Native American Berdache or another third gender identified in class materials. This dissonance doesn't suit my thinking style. Once I have learned something, I can't pretend I don't know it, so marking the answer to exam one's question "true" felt likes a lie.

Last month I had a conversation with a therapist I know (NT) about a client (AS) and his difficulty letting things go. Specifically, when someone had offended him during an argument. I could relate to that, so I shared my own perspective and experience. I can't un-know what I know. If during a moment of anger, someone says, for example, that I am a selfish or thoughtless person, the cats are all out of the bag. They can apologize, I can forgive, but really, it's too late. I never suspected they thought this way and now I know it. Something has changed and it can't be undone. I won't trust this person again, not for a long time. How do people hide these negative thoughts for so long and then suddenly blurt them out? It seems like some kind of game I don't have the rule book for, and there is a set amount of time the receiver of the slight is allowed to be upset. It's all very confusing.

Even more confusing is when they use words like never and always. I used to claim that these statements were false, based on these qualifiers alone, until it was explained to me that logic has its place and it is not everywhere. I still don't think I believe that.

Context often becomes an issue in discussions of autism, too. This is partly because I have chosen to work in a related field and frequently find myself engaging with professionals who have very different views from my own. Most of these are not so ill informed as to use words like disease and cure, but then some do. More often the issue is ABA and other behavioral therapies. The distance between my views and those of most people I meet is disconcerting.

Moreover, hardly a person outside this small and primarily online community even understands (or has heard of for that matter) the concept of neurodiversity. I can’t begin to list the times I’ve been asked if I don’t think the Combating Autism Act is a godsend or heard Autism Speaks praised only to find that the speaker has no idea what types of “assistance” the organization promotes.

Recently, I’ve been encouraged to step more lightly into the fray. Some of the graphics and posters I make, some of the less controversial ones, have alarmed the director of an upcoming conference in my area, who cites the importance of not offending anyone. Well, I attended this conference last year, and believe me, I was offended more than a time or two. I had to stop every few minutes to remember the context of the event and consider what I could offer that might help a parent or professional better accept the autistic person(s) in their lives as worthy of respect and individual expression.

The conference wasn't terrible, as these things can be. There was an excellent presentation on the ramifications of bullying for AS students. There was a lengthy session on topics in employment. There were a few other autistics present. The keynote speaker was autistic and all of his presentations were very popular. People were sitting in the aisles and standing in the halls to hear what he had to say. Then they went back to their bio-med sessions and talked among themselves about how to "help" their autistic children and clients become more like everybody else.

At the information tables there were puzzle pieces everywhere. The autistic presenter stood alone, selling his self published book and CD of prior presentations. This year, I will be allowed to have a table of my own to seek out research participants. I've been told I can bring some information on neurodiversity and autistic civil rights. This is a coup, really. It's a lot more than they've ever had. I guess the context for my posters is here on this blog for now. Later, I may find another home for them. Right now, I have to learn how to meet people where they are, however little I may like it. I have to look around and remember where I am. Later, there may be an opportunity to move to someplace else.

3 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD
    What you said (below) is EXACTLY how I feel....I don't know how many times I have tried to explain this to my husband. He just doesn't get it, and says I make a big deal out of nothing.

    You said >> If during a moment of anger, someone says, for example, that I am a selfish or thoughtless person, the cats are all out of the bag. They can apologize, I can forgive, but really, it's too late. I never suspected they thought this way and now I know it. Something has changed and it can't be undone. I won't trust this person again, not for a long time. How do people hide these negative thoughts for so long and then suddenly blurt them out? It seems like some kind of game I don't have the rule book for, and there is a set amount of time the receiver of the slight is allowed to be upset. It's all very confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. >>If during a moment of anger, someone says, for example, that I am a selfish or thoughtless person, the cats are all out of the bag. They can apologize, I can forgive, but really, it's too late. I never suspected they thought this way and now I know it. Something has changed and it can't be undone. I won't trust this person again, not for a long time. How do people hide these negative thoughts for so long and then suddenly blurt them out? It seems like some kind of game I don't have the rule book for, and there is a set amount of time the receiver of the slight is allowed to be upset. It's all very confusing.>>

    In a moment of anger, people can say things they don't really think. They want to hurt without considering the consequences of hurting. They use words like "selfish" and "thoughtless" not because they mean them, but because deliberately hurting your feelings comforts and satisfies them. They may not necessarily carewhether what they say is true, or whether they would have thought it a day ago, or eight minutes ago.

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  3. It all would depend on if one is orthodox or conservative. To some, there are two sexes: male and female. To some, there is only one kind of marriage: between a man and a woman. To some: there are only two temperatures: hot or cold. To some, there are only two states: on or off. To some, there are only two types of relationships: you're with me, or you're against me. To some there are only two paths: the right one and the wrong one. To some, the world is binary: It is either a one or a zero. To some, it is only day or night. To some, there are only two colours: Black or white.

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